Beauty of Nature

Beauty of Nature

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sweet Feeling

I've never really experience such a sweet feeling in my life. People keep on talking about it but since, at that time, I've never had to experience such a thing. Now, I do. Such a sweet feeling... Feeling of liking someone of different gender... It's something else. Just thinking about him, seeing his name, seeing his face, his voice, the way he talks and the way he smiles... Oh God... Please, tell me this is not real. I keep on telling myself countless times not to like someone to this extend so that I can concentrate more into my study and here I am... Liking someone. Alas, such a thing must be locked. I have to concentrate on something much more important. He is something new in my life. He has his own priorities, so do I. The only thing we talk with each other is about study. Yet, I can't stop thinking about him. I'm sure he has someone else in his minds. I'm just happy to know that in my 21 years of living, I begin to like someone. To know the feeling that people keep on telling and talking about it. If he chooses someone else beside me, it's okay. I know that I am not the one for him. I belong to someone else. That chosen person for me is out there somewhere if "he" is not the one for me but I thank "him" for letting me liking him and knowing this sweet feeling.

Friday, October 21, 2011


"You think that the friends you have now are your true friends, actually they are your enemies... The enemies that you know are actually your friends" (Anonymous, 2011).

That's what somebody told me and he was right. That's what happened now. Friends for almost 3 years and the ties are cut just like that because of work. No matter how I explain my troubles to them, they still do not know me and force me to do something that I said I cannot do it due to lost of time. I've lost lots of time and time is still ticking and ticking... leaving me behind with my sorrows and I still race towards time. It's true. Time waits for no man. No matter how we look into the future with bright hopes, darkness will be there too. We cannot predict our deaths, we cannot predict our losses, we cannot predict our future... We can only plan it and take actions for it and the results are in God's hands. The results are true... I can't force myself to like what others do to me anymore. It hurts to lie to myself although I've done it countless times. I wear my poker face so that people won't know what I've hidden inside still it hurts. Yet, I'm not mad nor sad. I am just disappointed with their attitudes. If they know me, they won't do the things that I don't like but they still do it thinking I will take it as a joke. In this world, there are billions of people with different thoughts and opinions. So you think that that person will take it as a joke? If it's vice versa, the joke is on you. If you wish to save your head on top of your body and not detached from it, that is.

I always thought, isn't it nice not to have any feelings? Detach yourself from the world and only think of the Almighty God, Allah SWT, don't you think it is easier? Of course it's not easy. Nothing is easy. Unbelievable... And yet, I am to be blamed...again since they are always right. Their thoughts are always right while mine is wrong. How lame... You think that everything you say as if it's an advice is right? You think that people will keep on following what you said? Oh, and if people have something else to do and can't make it up to you, you are SO upset that you just shouted angrily at them? Is that it? And then you went on cursing and using such vulgar words to them? Tell me, is this lousy angry person who shouted at people with vulgar words, your friend? And then this lousy friend not talking to you because she said it's my entire fault and I should apologize... IS THAT IT?

How very touching... As a Muslim, we should apologize although it's not our mistake and how many times do I have to apologize to this person again? I am tired...very tired of handling such person again. Next time, just find someone else who is more suitable in doing and handling such work since I am not GOOD ENOUGH to do it ok? My heart feels bland. No more feelings towards whom I called, once upon a time, my friend. Enough is enough... I have so many things to think about and this person just did as she wanted. I am very tired to 'bertolak ansur'... Since you're so very good, just do it on your own ok? Don't bother looking for a lame person like me.