Beauty of Nature

Beauty of Nature

Monday, November 7, 2011


I am walking towards the future but why am I still stuck in the nightmare of my pasts? I feel like I am dragging my pasts into my life. People have memories of the past but me, I am living in my pasts.

Why do I feel like this... I tend to avoid people to know about myself but I want them to know...

Do I really wish them to know? What do I want exactly? Who can help me... If this goes on, I might not be able to save myself, I will keep on living as my past self.. I don't want to... What do I want exactly!?

That's it... I've set goals for myself so that I won't stray from it. Ya Allah... I do not wish to have this feeling... This sad feeling, it's suppose to diminish in these 4 years! Why? No... Please stop me from thinking of that time.. I do not wish to... No. Please...

The feeling of being inferior to others, the feeling of being bullied, the feeling of being ignored, the feeling of being unwanted, the feeling of feelings being ignored, the feeling of being alone... I do not wish to feel these again... I keep on thinking Allah SWT is with me now. I am always happy to that...

Yet, these nightmares keep on growing. I woke up being restless and felt like I've been running in my dreams. No, I am not alone!!! No...

Don't worry. She will always be with me. She has and always been... She calms me and always say positive things to me, hug me and say,"It's okay. You're a strong girl, right Ain? You're alright. It's okay. It's alright. You're fine. It's okay. Believe in Allah SWT. Believe in Him. You're a good girl..."

My inner mind is my best friend. Always say the things I want to hear which, once upon a time, I always heard it from my late father. Memories of my father... I don't want to forget. I live in my past. Still, I move forward for the future.