My Birthday in da Sarawak

Yes, yes. Just like the title said. My birthday was like 2 weeks ago but only now do I have the hardworking attitude to post the blog about myself. Huang3x! It was quite a happy and sad birthday. The first person to wish me was my brother which he wished me a day earlier. He mixed up the dates again. -_- Then, my roommates. They wished me at 12 midnight. Such sweet roommates. Why did I mention sadness in my birthday? Well, I was pretty busy with all the activities and exams that I don't have to enjoy myself. I asked my roommates about celebrating my birthday outside. They all agreed but we had to celebrate it tomorrow which was 27th of February. Everyone was just too busy on the 26th. It was useless to persuade them that I agreed almost instantly. We celebrated my birthday at the nearest Pizza Hut Restaurant in Kota Samarahan. Huhuhuhu... Just the 3 of us. What a sweet moment.

Breakdown

Semua yang saya buat adalah kerana Allah S.W.T..

I promise myself to become stronger. For me to become stronger, I need motivation.

Since I lack motivation,

I can only rely to myself to motivate my own self,

Still...

A girl needs her father at times like this,

I tried to consult someone,

It seems like...

I cannot trust anyone in UNIMAS yet,

It takes time and effort for trust to be build

Between me and my friends,

Between me and the professors,

Between me and my mentor,

Between me and my family..

My family is my priority concern.

I will not let them down,

Although I am going to suffer

All of this

All on my own

I will not let my family down.

Ya Allah, please give me strength...

Deteriorate Emotions...

I always thought that being able to do something for myself, trying to forget painful events that passed swiftly will make me feel a much more better person.... Still, that is what I believed till now.

We are just humans. We will die one day according to our fate which is in God's hand. We do not know when we will die, how we will die, where we will die, in what situation we will die... we do not know. We cannot even predict the fuzzy future even if we try, we cannot say that our predictions are correct.

I tried, and tried, and tried to calm myself without people's console, all by myself believing that it was his time to go. I tried to do things my way without the help of people much, I tried to be independent now that he's gone. I tried and tried and I will not stop trying. I guess I forgot one thing... humans cannot live by themselves. They need company to go on. I pray to God everyday so that I have the courage to go through this life without trouble. I really pray. Emotions make humans weak and strong and I choose to be stronger than usual to help my family. I choose to have much more stronger characters in me so that people won't try to backstab me, make fun of me or ignore me.

Still, people all around me do not understand me. Do I have to be straightforward so that people know who I really am? Probably... I shun myself from society, I closed my heart so that people have to struggle to know the real me until they turn their backs on me and walk away. This is all my fault...

What should I do now that he's gone? I need someone's advice. A senior citizen mostly. Probably my professors but I am afraid. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of crying in front of them? I have a very weak and emotional heart. I can't control my emotions well. If I keep on keeping these to myself, insanity might overwhelm me...

2010

Can't believe it... It's already 2010. I'm getting old as the time pass by. Closer to death each second ticking away, we have wasted our time far too much doing unnecassary things. New year, new semester. I'm looking forward studying microbiology, biochemistry, biostatistics, ecology, ethnics relationship and so on this semester. It's gonna be hard work and every hard work pays. People must be very excited last night watching fireworks, celebrating new year... Me? Here I am, alone in my room, reading manga and watching anime as nobody wants to spend some time with me although I did call them and invited them to go to the new year celebration. They'd rather spend some time with their own friends in their apartment. *sigh* It's quite a boredom to go to someone's apartment, talking rubbish all the time. Better keep quiet in my room, eating dinner and watch anime.

Next week is the start of new lectures and new lecturers and professors as well.

Something's wrong with the electronic appliances

You might not believe me but my handphone is behaving like crap, my laptop is jammed and it refuses to do anything for me, my mom's handphone is behaving like nuts and the television is getting mad at me because I keep on changing the channels... And this is the night before the Raya Aidiladha which is tomorrow.

Coincidence with the events occurring right now? I have no idea... God, what the heck just happened?

This is confusing...

Back in the Nest

Yeah...here I am, shivering in my coldest wonder how on earth am I suppose to earn extra money in this short period of time? Well, can't say I didn't think about this back in campus but it is quite impossible with all the schedule and things my mom has planned. GOD!! I really wanna earn my own money!!! I feel so horrible keep on using the government's 'money' that they 'loan' to moi(keep on talking British accent huh...?) *sigh* Days I've wondered to keep people around me happy while I, myself, am gloomy. I just recently discovered that if I'm in a bad mood, people around me especially my friends will avoid me. Woah! What am I? Do I have this 'aura' people can feel or they just see my face and say,"Run!!!!" Whenever I'm in the faculty just doing my own thing without a single friend beside me who doesn't want to be with me when I feel alone, people will constantly watch me without blinking. They really kinda piss me off but then again, life goes on. It doesn't hurt me but it does hurt my feelings.... a lot(I'll be lying to myself if I said 'a bit'). Ah well....

So, end of the first semester of my first year in UNIMAS huh? The exams are okay except for the computer thingy. I just don't get it. I know how to use the computer but I don't know the names of the stupid things inside it which have such complicated names and all. I dislike, hate, despise, loathe it!!!! Urgh!! This rainy weather really make me go on like this....hehe.. That's why I love rainy days. 0_o

Here I am, at home, playing piano; watching National Geographic, Disney, HBO, Cinemax, Star Movies, Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, MTV, V Channel; helping mom around the house especially in cooking(bizarre really...I kinda have this conscious mind that it's time for me to learn how to cook at last); reading books and comics; watching Japanese animation cartooons; playing computer games; listening to music; downloading Japanese manga and music legally; buying airline tickets online for some occasions for the holiday; updating my blog, Facebook....et cetera. Why am I babbling so much? Pah!

I guess that's all about now. I have to practise Ballade Pour Adeline since my mom loves to hear me playing it so much. I rather enjoy playing music to someone rather to my own enjoyment because that means I'm lonely and I hate being alone but people in UNIMAS don't even care about it really or is it my own negative thinking about it. Still, it's true.... How lonely I was back in KMPk. I guess I've made some progress in UNIMAS to get rid of this darn loneliness.... I'm digressing again... If you are clever enough, you will notice how digressing I am. I can't stick to one topic alone as I will open another topic regarding to the usual topic but have some connectivity to it.... you know what I mean? No? Well, that's alright. I don't think people will usually care enough to read my blog and care what I think. Nyahaha! You know what I said is true as there are no comments for my blog. People will usually comment at the shout box at the right of your screen right now.

I think I'm pretty bored if I can type this much. Yeah, that's right. I'm bored...

Maybe I should go to e-ruai zoology now... TTFN(Tata For Now)

Busying in Campus

Oh God, I can't believe how ignorant I am in updating my own blog. Probably of the limited internet connectivity around this campus. Sheesh...

Anyway, I'm having my final exam now. I still have 2 papers left which are Biodiversity and General Chemistry. Truthfully speaking, there are so many things have been happening that I lost track of time. The Hari Raya, The EBX Jualan Day, The Home Concert 3...

Hari Raya Aidilfitri
-Same old, same old except no father to celebrate together with. I still miss him so much.

The EBX Jualan Day
-Yeah...one of my generic courses, the EBX0032, Asas Pembudayaan Keusahawanan. My professor said that we need the basic of business as it might come in handy when you graduate. Truth to be told, I think he's right. It's not like I can straight away working with the conservation section or whatever concerns with zoology...probably can be done but the main thing here, you might not like what you have to work for and have some interests in business is good enough to let you live in this world. Yeah, that rainy day... Keep on promoting own stall like mad. Free this, discount that...less here, less there... It's good, fresh, hot... Nonsense all pouring out at the same time. Psycho... Anyway, my group UNTUNG. Ngehehe..

Home Concert 3
-Believe it or not, the lecturer from the Faculty of Applied Creative and Arts asked me to perform for their Home Concert last month. What the...? I'm from the Faculty of Resource Science and Techonology. I don't have time to play around. Since even the president wanted me to perform...I guess I have no choice. I still love performing. I can't deny that. So, the practice went on until the day arrives. Ngehehe... As a pianist and a keyboardist, I can't tell you how bothersome to look at the conductor and the music sheet at the same time but still it's the learning process of becoming a music performer and I love it. I can't fool my own heart how much I love music...

And now, the final examination. Aiyark!! Oh! Waste not a minute, no more. I still need to review some chapters in biodiversity. I'll update my blog ASAP....if I cam make it. I will.