Beauty of Nature

Beauty of Nature

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Life So Far...

Capture the scenery from Borneo Heights. :)

Huhuhu... I've been such a lazy person. It's been ages since I've posted my last post. Well, life goes on and the issues with friends are increasingly psychotic. I almost lost my mind thinking... I think of every possible reasons for their reactions towards me. I thought, maybe it was my fault mostly or something else...maybe. I've calmed down these few months. I feel like my anger subsides with time. Although I have that instinct to punish people by various methods... my favourite is grab the face and slammed the head hard on the ground (better if it's concrete). Hey, don't get me wrong. It's all in my head. I don't really do it. Although it has this satisfaction if I imagined it. Call me crazy, I don't care.

I've found my true calling and I am quite calming down, in a manner. I find myself more patience and I don't talk much lately. I will be a very talkative person if the subject of the matter is of my interest. LOL I really wonder what people think about me. I want to know what I did wrong. Just tell me to my face. I will get angry, naturally but I do think of the possibilities of your words about my own self. I will try to change my attitude towards the better. I've changed much until I feel I'm not myself anymore. It was driving me crazy once until someone said, "You are who you are. If you feel like you need to change, then change and it's still you. It's just that you've become a better person... or worse, if you choose destruction".

I just came back from Kubah NP and I had a row with my two friends...again. I still don't know why they are still angry with me. They love to order me around, give advice (yeah right...).. If I give my own opinion on the matter, they said I was wrong and et cetera. It's no use talking to them. Discussing about myself with them will only make me feel worse. I thought friends are suppose to make you feel better... The longer I'm with them, the more I feel like I'm going from bad to worse. I don't know why but that's how I feel. I don't have bad intentions about them. They are good but for some reasons, this feeling of being overshadowed, pushed around and stepped on is always there. My feelings right now... relieved. My roommate, Fatin gives me courage. Think about the Almighty... yes, I feel much better after that.

Right now, I feel like I'm behind my lab work. It's driving me nuts. I always had helped from my friend for sampling to capture specimens for their tissues to be used to extract DNA. Now, I'm not taking that chance. I have a new determination. It's time for me to show my true colours. I am fed up and tired of being in the background where my opinions are nothing but a mere decoration. Enough is enough! I am doing this my way. They are not the only friends I have. I have found true friendship inside Fatin and Ika (my former roommate), it makes me feel... yeah. There are people who believe in me. The Lab Assistants, the Master students, seniors, professors, lecturers, my mentor and my supervisors have been giving the moral support and a slight push on the back for me to move forward and I am entirely grateful to them.

Furthermore, I have my friends from AIC like Silver, divinekid, Rose, Sanji-Q, alonqexe, Ravenmin who have always been there and I feel like the joy that I have bonding friendships with these unique people is always there. Silver helped me passed a hurdle once. :) divinekid always update with Hatsune Miku and because of her, I like Hatsune Miku now. XD Sanji still loves shooting me from far away... :D Alonqexe helped me with the remedy about my sickness once. Rose has always been commenting on my blog and increase my morale and I find myself smiling. Thanks you guys... ^___^

My family keeps on supporting me too. My mother, my sisters and my brother will always be there. The most important is God. God will always be there with us. Just keep thinking of Him and He will think of you too.

No matter what happened, I will always face forward with a smile on my face and face the challenges ahead. No matter what your enemy or your friends think about you, if you know what you are doing is right, keep your chin up. Do not look down. Always think of God. He is everything. Giving up is not an option but sometimes, "give up" is the only option for you to move forward. Finding your true self takes time but it's worth the effort. Do not lose hope.

These messages are the words I always tell to myself, to keep myself from drowning into the sea of despair. :)