Beauty of Nature

Beauty of Nature

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Realizing the Reality

(Alice Madness Return PC game...)

Sometimes, it's hard to recognize our own feelings, thoughts, actions or words we speak. What we think we have to do exactly what our mind tells us to do, our body will do the exact opposite. That is why we have to learn and practice on how to control our own minds.

They say,"Our bodies are our own and so does our minds"... If so, why sometimes there are unexplainable things happened whenever we break out of control and we are losing our controls?And CRASH!!! That is what happened to mad people. Deep at the back of our conscience, we all have our mad sides. Some people are able to know it and control it, some people know it but choose it, some people cannot distinguish it and lose control of it...

That is why we have moral studies and religions. They help and guide us back. Although this is true, why do we still choose madness? Unbearable, feeling good doing things they don't want to do? You must be thinking,"Is this person mad talking about madness? Of course I'm not mad. I can think perfectly clear." .... Yes. Sometimes, those who can think so ingeniously genius and perfectly can be consumed by their own madness. They are not aware of it but it's there.

I was like that and I think still are. I thought I was consumed by my own madness. The feeling of wanting to leave the world and enter into my own non-reality world that I created in my own mind. I felt safe there. Sometimes, we unconsciously created the images of people we know in our own world. Friends, family, relatives... Suddenly, I was aware of my own imagination. When I imagined it, I wanted myself to become so powerful that there is nothing I cannot do. Every heroine has weaknesses and in that world, I was prone to illness. I kept on imagining myself getting hurt, weak and became ill because of someone's doing (the enemy, of course). Sometimes, I imagined myself died. I was very powerful, full of magical powers and I could fight in all sorts of situations but I was still weak. Very weak... And, I guess still 'am', I am still weak in that world. Friends, once I thought will always be with me, left me because they have other priorities they wanted to do. Since this is my mind, that's what I thought. I want to become more powerful, not losing to anyone because I have people I want to protect. I want to protect them but I keep on hurting them because I wasn't there for them. I keep on going to different worlds, different dimensions, warped in time and space, trying to find the answers and fighting. And I am still fighting... in that world. Against what? Even I don't know. Sometimes, I find myself face-to-face with another 'me' in that world. She is the leader, making me sick. She is shrouded in darkness and I am being consumed bit by bit by the contamination. Since 'she' is 'me', I am sick. I want to fight till the end. Breaking my own heart, breaking the hearts of people who love me... Why? Because I don't want other people to get involve in my problems. There is no need for you to get worry about people like me. That is why I draw to convey what I've been 'seeing' or imagined, to let go of the emotional stress. But...

I am being saved... By those who I thought cannot save me. From them, I found my true calling. From that, I return to the right path. It hurts at first because I was scared. Now, not any more. I will become stronger. But the pieces of world in my mind is still there. I am winning, bit by bit. And I realize, I am no longer alone. :') AllahuAkhbar!

Broken memories, broken hearts, broken thoughts and deep wounds are being mended, little by little.

>>> This is not a fictional story of mine. This is the truth. I am still handling this problem. Little by little, it is fading and leaving me to face reality with my own strength. If I did out of the ordinary again, I might be having emotional problems again and struggling. Please forgive me if what I did when I was in that state of mind, hurt you. Since I can still realize what's going on with myself, I can still handle this mind problem.

Pray, that I will get better with time. I am still healing myself for the better. ^___^